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On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually coming after a “sudden low”, where he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his conduct, rendering him particularly vulnerable to criticism from others. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits through digital sources – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. However, he questions he would have taken the label unless he had previously arrived at that conclusion by himself. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they experience beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Though people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, definitions vary what is meant by the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he believes many people hide it, due to so much stigma around the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the specialist clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Though up to 75% of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are males, findings points out this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” explains a 23-year-old who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and being turned down,” she explains, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I often enter defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Despite having this behavior – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models as a child. I’ve had to teach myself over the years what is and is not appropriate to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my household were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “acceptable.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, like him, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his GP, an assessment was arranged to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for 18 months: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

John has only told a handful of people about his mental health status, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, in his own mind, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he comments. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number